Since Heather’s out of the office today and tomorrow (preparing for her wedding on Saturday!), I’m putting this here for her benefit, so I can show her what she missed while she was out…
From the time the Troll got to her desk this morning, she was on the phone:
- Called her bank to request a new box of checks. Turns out you don’t call the bank, you call an 800-number.
- Called the 800-number to request the checks. While on the phone, she asked the girl, “By the way, are you in America? …Yes, I could tell, I had a vision of you somewhere else. I guess I’m psychic, I could tell by your voice.” She also found out that December is apparently a bad time to order checks. “I’ll just try to write fewer checks at Christmas time, then. I’ll write one check and tell everyone to split it.”
- Called a Boston Market or Acme or something to ask about rotisserie chickens. “Yes, I’m having some people over for dinner, and I’d like to pick up some of your chickens that are roasted? Baked? …Yes, rotisserie. Could you tell me what time you put out fresh ones? I want to make sure they’re hot.” Then she found out that the store could take an order for her and have them ready when she came to pick them up.
- Called her friend Joel who was coming for dinner to tell him that she’d ordered some specially prepared chickens, so if she wasn’t home when he got there, she’d just leave the door unlocked for him. Also, she asked him to bring his mother, even if she came in her nightgown.
- Called her apartment management to ask for some pink envelopes that she uses to pay her rent. She has some large, fake potted plants outside her apartment, so if she’s not home, they can just leave the envelopes behind a plant. Also, did the man upstairs move out? Because she saw him carry his bed out last week, but she’s heard someone’s footsteps up there, so maybe it’s a poltergeist? Oh, his lease is up on September 1. Well then she has some friends who might be interested in moving in, so she’ll let them know.
- “Marge, would you like to move into the apartment above me? It’s big and beautiful, it’s nicer than mine. It’s like living in a condo without it being a condo.” (As far as I could tell, Marge didn’t say a word, I assume she has no desire to move into an apartment.)
The Troll called the Help Desk because she couldn’t find Visio on her computer. “Yes, I’m looking for an application called Visio, V-I-S-I-O. I’m going to be taking a class on it next week and I want to take a look at it and have my questions ready. …No, there’s nothing here called Visio. …Well do you want to remote in? …John Fernandez, huh? Any relation to that actress? …Maybe her name is Hernandez, I don’t know. …Well, I’ll tell you what, I’m about to take a potty break. Why don’t you call back in about ten minutes?”